Swinging Moods and Coffee Brews

Hi, my name is Shaye and I am an ex-mormon that lives in Utah. I know, I know... There are thousands of people that have left "the church" and have a plethora of opinions opposing the teachings of "the church". I try to stay respectful of the beliefs of those around me- I have many friends who are members of the LDS faith, and I have a lot of respect for their ability to maintain a religious belief. However, there is a part of the LDS faith that has heavily weighed on me, that is currently in a spotlight in our local media. Sam Young is a former bishop of the LDS church residing in Texas. Over the past year or so, he has been publicly opposing the sexually-explicit interviews that bishops are expected to maintain with the youth of their congregation. Because of his opposition to this process, he was ex-communicated from the church. I am including a link to a news article that has been covering this story. After reading the article and then reading through the...

Yesterday, amidst the middle of a tyrannosaurus tantrum, my toddler dried her eyes, crawled into my lap, and told me "I'm anxious for your surgery." I know what you're thinking- no toddler uses the word 'anxious'. You obviously haven't met Brinlee. From the time that she could communicate, her dad, step-mom and I have worked with her on communicating her feelings. We consistently remind her that her feelings matter, that she has a voice, and that we want to hear her. She has adhered to these teachings like paper to glue. She tells me when she's happy; she constantly reminds me of her excitement in the things around her; she wakes up and crawls into my bed and states "I'm having a bad day today"- i.e. "I woke up grumpy". Her vocabulary has grown in learning how to communicate the way that she's feeling. When her room is a mess, she will let us know that she is overwhelmed and needs help cleaning it. Yesterday, her word ...

It's 2008, and I'm 15 years old. I'm teaching swimming lessons. The pain in my abdomen has me doubled over in the pool, and at first I think to myself, "it's just bad cramps." Our first 20 minute lesson ends and I run to the bathroom. I'm bleeding, and I start to realize that this is more than just an average cycle. The pain is becoming too much, and I convince myself that I'm just being dramatic. I hop back in the pool, only to run back to the bathroom ten minutes later, blood running down my leg. I call my supervisor in and let her know I can't continue my class. She takes over, and I call my mom to come and get me. As my moms car pulls up, I see the concern on her face. Normally, I would just hop in the passenger seat and continue home, and instead my mom gets out of the car. "You're really pale.. What's wrong?" she asks. "I'm bleeding.. Bad." We drive to the emergency room, where the hook me up to IV...

Mom Mode. All moms are guilty of it. We see our kids, and we want them to have everything- the most love, the best education, great meals, sports, friends... The list goes on. I could talk forever about all of the things I want for my child. As I think about these things, I catch myself thinking of all the ways to achieve them- ways to make more money to afford the activities, ways to balance work and school and parenting, ways to show Brinlee everything amazing in the time I have with her. I immediately get a pang of anxiety. Mom mode strikes again. Ever since Brinlee was born, my main focus in life has been her. To a point, it should be. We all want our children to have better than what we had, don't we? However, love without boundaries is toxic. As a mom, love without boundaries can come as an instinct, almost. Every single day, I cry on my way to work. My job is good, and it pays the bills, but I am constantly torn about the time it takes me away from Brinlee. I catch my...