Sam Young and the Religious Sexual Conversations He Opposes

Hi, my name is Shaye and I am an ex-mormon that lives in Utah.


I know, I know... There are thousands of people that have left "the church" and have a plethora of opinions opposing the teachings of "the church". I try to stay respectful of the beliefs of those around me- I have many friends who are members of the LDS faith, and I have a lot of respect for their ability to maintain a religious belief. However, there is a part of the LDS faith that has heavily weighed on me, that is currently in a spotlight in our local media.


Sam Young is a former bishop of the LDS church residing in Texas. Over the past year or so, he has been publicly opposing the sexually-explicit interviews that bishops are expected to maintain with the youth of their congregation. Because of his opposition to this process, he was ex-communicated from the church.


I am including a link to a news article that has been covering this story. After reading the article and then reading through the comments, I think it's important that this conversation respectfully happens both between myself and my co-parents, as well as with those I love around me that may not see the toxicity of these conversations. I hope that my LDS friends that may be reading this know that I am coming from a loving perspective, and only want to offer insight and perspectives that they may not have previously considered. See article below:


https://www.ksl.com/article/46426992/former-latter-day-saint-bishop-who-opposed-sexually-explicit-interviews-loses-excommunication-appeal


Again, I want to state that I have respect for the teachings of the church, as well as for those around me who stay active in the church. You can respect a belief system without agreeing or believing in its teachings. For example, I can respect those around me who go the gym and eat healthy while still shoving 20 chicken nuggets down my throat while I binge Netflix. It is important as people that we can continue to love and support each other and understand that we are all going to have different points of view, and still be accepting and loving towards one another.


Now, as a former member of the LDS church, I remember doing my pre-baptism interview and being asked if I abided by the law of chastity. Being the innocent and naive child that I was, I confidently answered "yes" to this question. As I grew older and gained closer relationships with my friends, I was exposed to conversations that discussed what it was like when they answered "no" to this question.


Many of the comments in the news article I linked make comments implying that "are you abiding by the law of chastity?" is as far as the questioning goes. If you are abiding, then yes, they are correct. However, for those teens who have experimented with masturbation, sexual acts with partners, or who had viewed pornography, these discussions quickly cross the line from 'determining if you are temple worthy' to borderline vocally sexually harassing children.


For those who have participated in any of the sexual activities listed previously, they are exposed to a series of inappropriate and detailed questioning. I have many friends who had opened up to their bishops about pornography and sexuality as teens, and were asked some of the following questions:


"What kind of pornography are you watching?"
"What sexual activities are you participating in?"
"Have you engaged in oral sex?"
"What positions/sexual acts were performed?"
"How many times/how often have you participated in these acts?"
"How old were you?"
Etc....


This is just a small sample of the questions and inapropriate dialogues that occur during these interviews. As persons of the LDS faith continue to defend these behaviors as 'questions that determine temple eligibility', I ask one questions: What would you do if you learned that a teacher or other adult had been asking your child these questions?


I can guarantee that you would be upset- you would be contacting administration or the police, accusing those persons of being sexually inappropriate with your children. I understand that you want your child to be "temple worthy", but the toxicity of making a child or teen discuss these types of questions with an adult is perverted, uncomfortable, and in any other situation would be grounds for pursuing legal action.


There are many people that are stating that Sam Young should have voiced his opposition to these interviews privately, seeking counsel through his higher-ups, and not questioning the processes of the church. Now I ask you this: Sam Young was a bishop of the church, meaning he had grown his faith and was leading others in this faith. If someone who is a leader of the church on some level themselves is questioning the approach that the church has on determining temple eligibility, don't you think that he has grounds for speaking out against this process?


As members of the church, you are taught:

 "Do not ask, only pray", meaning- Don't question the church, question your lack of faith.

This belief system discourages free-thinking; it discourages growth of the church to align with the needs of its members and says to continue following the rules that have been set; to not adhere to the progression of society, or the needs of its followers. As many people who have faith in any church know, this can have a devastating impact on those who may believe in the teachings of a church, but do not agree with some of the processes it follows.


As a society, we are constantly seeking growth and progression; we are legalizing marriage for every type of love, we are legalizing marijuana for medicinal purposes (and recreational in some states). We are constantly seeking growth for equality, happiness, and acceptance of those around us. As a private religion, do you think it is healthy to not question why your church is not progressing? Do you think it is healthy to continue abiding by centuries-old practices that can be EXTREMELY harmful to your children/nieces/nephews/grandchildren, simply because you are taught not to question what is happening?


One of the comments that defends the teachings and processes of the LDS church sticks out to me more than others- the subject of guilting children for acting on natural instincts was brought up, and this was the response:

Now, many studies show that 'guilt-teaching' children can be extremely toxic. Guilt is a natural emotion that is going to occur throughout your lifetime; however, when guilt is pushed onto a child for a behavior, they learn that they are a 'bad person', not that they did a bad thing. As teens are experiencing and participating in some of their natural desires, don't you think it is better to guide them with love and acceptance, then to interrogate and guilt them into being a "good person"?


I guess the purpose of this blog is this; be receptive to progression in your faith. It is extremely rare for any group of people to progress without the spoken disagreement of their group of followers/members/societies. Where would we be if someone had not been outspoken about the wrongdoings of slavery? Where would we be if those around us had not stood up for their beliefs, even if they were different from the majority surrounding them? Where would society be without Rosa Park, Martin Luther King Jr., and so many other societal influencers and changers if they had not chosen to take their stand?


Be open minded and loving towards others' perspectives when it comes to your faith. You may not even realize how harmful your current practices are if you continue closing your mind and heart to the growth and progression of your current teachings and processes.